from Banged Up, released January 12, 2021
Yeah, the mystery police took my baby away
There was nothing I could do, there was nothing I could say
They told me it was over they came round the next day
They wanted to be sure she'd packed her valise
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

The mystery police have a number to dial
Call them up they'll be there in a while
Nine-nine-nine in the British Isles
Turn it round, it's the number of the beast
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

The mystery police they've got guns on their hips
They got handcuffs, chains, zipties, dogwhips
Watch those wisecracks from your lips
Or you'll get a Glock Special up the crease
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

The mystery police get their donuts for free
I've seen all them down in the patisserie
Breakfast, dinner, lunch and tea
There's a phantom at the feast
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

Oh the mystery police, they are the finest in the land
They're always ready with a helping hand
They'll pick you up if you're unable to stand
They'll lock you down till you're fit to release
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

Oh the mystery police are really on the ball
Get down on the ground instead of up against the wall
And nowadays a few of them are hardly five foot tall
None of them are ugly, smelly or obese
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

The mystery police never do anything wrong
They're going to pick me up when I finish this song
Sorry to be going on so long, but/I got another 12 verses at least
Keeping me safe from the mystery police

[ADDITIONAL VERSES]

Oh the mystery police they are impartial and fair
Everything they do is on the level and the square
Rich or poor, young or old they don't care
Keeping you from causing a breach of the peace
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

Oh the mystery police deserve the utmost respect
Everything they say is absolutely correct
There when you need them and when you least expect
It's not like Afghanistan, or Syria or Greece
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

The mystery police they'll keep your stuff for a year if]
You got nothing to hide, you got nothing to fear
They seek you there, they seek you here
Like Fred Astaire and Cyd Charisse
Keeping people safe, that's the mystery police

Oh the mystery police they're the eye in the sky
You'll believe that a police can fly
If they crash on top of you you'll most likely die
But helicopter operations can't afford to cease
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

Oh the mystery police they are superbly equipped
One day everybody will be microchipped
They don't do anything that isn't in the script
From Anchorage to Adeleaide, Nantucket to Nice
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

Well the mystery police they're the thin blue line
Don't try to say you didn't see the sign
Sorry, officer that bag ain't mine
It must have been some switch artiste
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

The mystery police got the fastest cars
They drive around like movie stars
They wait outside the clubs and bars
They'll pull you over, on a caprice
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

The mystery police they're keeping it real
They try to understand how people feel
When they say they're gonna cut you a deal
There's a microphone on the mantelpiece
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

Oh the mystery police have a wonderful time
locking up lunatics and busting crime
It's a melodrama, it's a pantomime
Not so much Picasso, more late period Matisse
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

The mystery police fought the Gatwick drone
Anybody get it on their mobile phone
/It's the only thing that was being flown
Must have been theirs or a flock of geese
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police

Oh the mystery police ain't no circus troupe
If you think they are then you're out of the loop
Keep on drinking the electric soup
Let's give them all a pay increase
Keeping people safe that's the mystery police